By: Lauren Napierkowski
In the grand tapestry of our 20s, amidst the hustle of building careers and brunching with friends, there’s often a familiar face that lingers-a ghost from our dating past. You’ve settled into a routine, scrolling through all the social media realms to exist, yet there’s one person, the one whose presence refuses to fade from your memory. What do you do when your heart’s a little too full of nostalgia, but your life’s finally falling into place?
An Old Flame that Won’t Burn Out
Let me paint a picture. You’re a gen-z student at university and you’re walking to class trying to look occupied on your phone, when you see him. The boy who once made your heart race, the one who left a breadcrumbing trail of “what ifs” in his wake. Suddenly, you’re transported back to late-night conversations, spontaneous late night drives, and those moments that made locking eyes across the room even more intense. But you’ve got a life to live, and yet, he’s still hanging around in the corners of your mind. Old habits die hard, and breaking them can be even harder - especially when the habit is a person that’s always been your strange addiction.
For many of us navigating this modern dating scene, it’s not unusual to feel a pull toward past relationships, especially when we’ve spent years cultivating a stable routine. Maybe you’re not dating anyone seriously, or maybe you’re caught up in a pattern of swiping right on potential partners while constantly glancing back at memory lane.
Embers of the Past
The Social Media Stalk: You’re deep into the scroll of your Instagram feed, only to come across their latest post. Cue the nostalgia! You’re reminded of the times you danced under the hazy lights of a dive bar and felt like the whole room was watching. But now, he’s living life without you - can you even believe it! It’s like the universe is conspiring to make you question your peace.
The Digital Memory Bank: It’s late, you’re feeling sentimental, and you see a flashback pop up on your google photos or snapchat memories of the good times you’d had together. Suddenly you’re torn between wanting to reminisce and knowing that diving back into old waters could drown you in regrets. Do you share the old pics with them? What do you say?
The Group Hang: You’re at a friend’s party, and there he is, effortlessly charming everyone around him. Your heart does that little flutter, but then reality hits; you know things won’t be able to go back to the way they were. Yet, the connection feels like an unfinished sentence that still leaves you hanging.
When the Fire Flickers
Acknowledge your feelings: Do you miss him or is it the idea of him? Are you still intoxicated by the love bombing? Remember, it comes in all shapes and sizes so beware!
Evaluate what you want: Recognizing patterns and wanting things to progress is ok, but you let one thing slide and a guy starts ice skating.
Set boundaries: Draw the line and make sure they don’t cross it. Breaking your own cycle of toxicity only to fall for the trance again can be telling.
Communicate: It’s like we want the pressure almost to be on someone else to mess up, but no one’s perfect. The only way it can work is by nixing the game playing. Playground time got taken out of our schedules a long time ago.
Focus on growth: Channel your energy into self-improvement. The more you enrich your life with strengthening friendships and hobbies, the less the old flame will flicker in your thoughts.
In the grand scheme of your 20s, unfinished business doesn't have to keep you stuck in a loop with someone that can’t make up their mind. Starting over can be scary, but You’re creating your own narrative, one that deserves to be full of fresh experiences and new adventures. So the next time you find yourself taunted by a familiar face, ask yourself: if people were watching your life as a reality show, would they be rooting for you to end up with the old flame? We all know recycling is great for the environment, but not when it comes to reusing and reducing past romances that have been played out.
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