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Why Getting Your Heart Broken Is Essential For Self-Love

By: Nancy Jin

Motivational Red Heart

Want to learn more about yourself? Get your heart broken. Heartbreak doesn’t always have to be with a romantic partner, it can also be between friends, acquaintances, pets, jobs, or even family. Heartbreak is the quintessential step to truly learn from your mistakes and old habits. 

A lot of self-love and care talk online is about candles and bubble baths (which are so important and we love!) However, I’d argue that the purest form of self-love is self-introspection and self-growth. How do we self-introspect and grow? When a person, place, or thing breaks your heart, you are forced to turn inward and reflect on the situation. Reflecting on the situation creates space for self-introspection. It creates room to accept what was working, and what wasn’t. It allows you to come face to face with any mistakes you may have made or boundaries you allowed another person to cross. A healthy way to self-reflect on heartbreak is to write down everything that has happened in factual bullet points. No rose-colored glasses.

Hard factual concrete statements about what happened. When you see the hard facts on paper, you can see the part you played in the relationship or scenario. Good or bad, don’t be too hard on yourself. If you made mistakes, write these mistakes down and in another column next to it, write what you learned from these mistakes and how you can be better next time. This is not an easy task. As human beings, our ego wants us to be perfect. Meaning, we don’t make mistakes. To move on, forgive the person who hurt you (including yourself). Acknowledge we are simply humans and that nobody is perfect. You did the best you could, with the information you knew. Now you are ready to grow and apply these lessons. 

Getting your heart broken allows for stronger boundaries. Now that you’ve done the self-introspection, you know what you are willing to allow in your next friendship, romantic partner, family relation, or career move. You gain the self-respect to walk away when something doesn’t serve you. You also gain the tools to love even harder when something does serve you! After all, loving someone/something is a superpower. You can prioritize your needs, and your well-being unapologetically.  

The alone time you spend healing after heartbreak is arguably some of the most if not the most imperative learning points in your life. You gain clarity on what works for you, and what doesn’t. On what you’re willing to accept and what you’re not. On the types of friends you want. The types of lover(s) you want. The type of person you ARE. Heartbreak ultimately does not break you. It truly shapes you into your most authentic, honest self.

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