Are You Just Not That Into Him or Do You Have Commitment Issues?

By: Danielle Zibiri

So you’ve been with a guy for a while now, you like him (at least you think you do) and things are getting serious, suddenly you have this urge to back out… is this the wrong guy for you or are you simply self-sabotaging? I've broken this down into 5 criteria that ultimately will tell you your true thoughts on your partner. In this, we will analyze your relationship based on your feelings toward plans, affection levels, emotional intimacy, your mental state, and past experiences.   Keep reading to find out if you need to clock more hours in therapy. (harsh, sorry..)

How Do You Feel When Making Future Plans With Him?

Your reaction to plans tells a lot about your true feelings toward the relationship. These plans don’t have to be great into the future e.g. 10-20 years, it’s more about getting deeper in the relationship. If you’re initially excited but begin to develop feelings of anxiety, this is a sign of having underlying fears, which is completely normal as it’s a brand-new experience. If you feel uninterested or just not excited, this shows your feelings are not that strong or you have no plans to be fully invested in this relationship. Feeling anxious, and impulsive to the brim of wanting to end things, is a sign of intense commitment issues and fear of a deepening bond between you and your partner.

Are You Interested in Sharing Deep Thoughts, Experiences, and Feelings With Them?

Never being able to fully open up or give way to exchange deep experiences with your partner, could be a fear of commitment, but it could also be a sign of unresolved trauma. If you feel awkward, and don’t feel the need to understand your partner deeply you most likely don’t care for a relationship. It could've been some great hookup that you hung on to. But when you take a step back there’s no substance. If you feel you are in the place to share freely with your partner, but you stop it. You could be avoidant and try to sabotage yourself from being close to your partner. 

What Is Your Reaction To Moments of Affection?

During intimate moments that’s when you feel most vulnerable with your partner. Affection is such an important part of a relationship. If you're more than happy to engage in this and genuinely excited to express your love to your partner then you're really falling for him. However it’s not always this same reaction. I would be lying if I didn’t tell you that it’s 100% possible to be repulsed by affection coming from someone that deep down you know is not your person. You never initiate and that’s a telling sign he’s not the one for you. On the other hand you could love this person and want to be affectionate but the anxiety and fear of commiting to this relationship becoming more intense and important in your life stresses you out. 

How Have Your Past Relationships Played Out?

It’s important to analyze past relationships/situations as well when considering where you lie. When interacting with your current partner, if you feel yourself going back into the same pattern, anxious and doubting everything and immediately rushing to break up. Then I think this is a self-sabotaging pattern that really should be fixed. However, if you’ve never experienced issues with commuting but find yourself anxious and angsty it’s either this is not the relationship for you or some recent trauma is creeping in.

How Often Do You Overthink This Relationship?

There’s a difference between being an avid over-thinker, and just feeling like something is not going well. If you spend every day in distress over getting closer it’s important to analyze if this stems from anxiety or your gut feeling. This will help you understand if this is a relationship meant for you, or one that should never even have happened in the first place.