To Bid or Not to Bid: A Look Into Sorority Recruitment

By: Sophia Johnette

Now that I’m about to graduate college, I’ve been reflecting on my college experiences. One of the earliest ones that comes to mind is my experience joining a sorority. I hope my experience can provide you with another side of the “to bid or not to bid” debacle.

The PNMs (Potential New Members)

So when you’re “trying out” for the sororities, you’re listed as a PNM and you’re grouped with a bunch of PNMs. There were events that you had to attend where you would mingle with the different sororities, and with every further event, the number of sororities you see shrinks (you continue to see the ones that you want to keep seeing and the ones that want to keep seeing you). And for every event, there’s a theme. The very first theme we had was casual. They even had a little guide as to what to wear. I followed the guide: a basic shirt (basic but still nice), jean shorts, and tennis shoes. The tennis shoes were not planned—I forgot to change into my Vans. And when I arrived to meet the other PNMs, everyone else was dressed like they were going to a Harry Styles concert. In short, I looked like a bum. And none of the PNMs talked to me that day.

The next event was a “dress nicely but not formally,” so like a cute sundress that you could wear on a date or something. And on this day I looked lovely. I had a purple dress with a matching necklace. Surprise surprise, PNMs were talking to me and telling me how cute I was.

It really bothered me that the way I was dressed affected the way I was treated. This was something that did not sit well with me at all.

Evil Sisters and Nice Sisters

So on Bid Day, I went to my new “home” (my sorority). And I was very excited to make friends and connections with my new sisters. This feeling of excitement really did not last long. So for this part, we’re going to need some backstory.

The sorority I got into was not my first choice. I had gotten into my second choice because I had a sister in that sorority, which made me a legacy. A legacy means that you’re basically a straight shot for the same sorority your relative was/is in.

My sister was not fond of certain girls, and these girls just happened to be in positions of power. To be honest with you, most of the girls that my sister didn’t get along with (and they did not get along with her either, so it was mutual), were very nice to me. But this one girl, who had a smaller position but a lot of power amongst the new members, was one who really tried to make this experience horrible for me.

She would do little things to make sure I did not get the same opportunities other girls did, and really worked hard to make me feel insignificant, left out, and like I did not have choices (which she made sure that my choices went unheard, which was not the case for any other girl). There’s a story with this that I would love to share, but out of respect for the other innocent girls involved, I won’t. The point being that this girl didn’t like my sister and tried to make sure that my time here would be miserable. She couldn’t hurt my sister, so I guess she felt like I was the next best option.

I’m not telling you this story to scare you, but I want to be honest. If you join a sorority, it’s not this instant bond you see on social media. People don’t like each other, some become lifelong friends, and others don’t.

It’s not rainbows and sunshine, but it’s also not hellfire and tornadoes.

For instance, my “big” in the sorority (which is your big sister, and you would be their little sister) (it’s something you both have to mutually pick) was one of the sweetest girls I’ve ever met. My best memories in the sorority were with her, my twin (who is a girl who has the same big as you), my big’s twin, and her big. We had all gone out for dinner, and it was genuinely my happiest moment in the sorority. I also had a wonderful, unrecognized “big.” She was a big to me without having the official title of my big. She was someone who really made sure that I was taken care of. I’ve never forgotten her kindness.

The Parties

For starters, I was never much of a partier, but I knew that the party culture was big in college, so I promised myself that I would at least attend one, and that I did. I went to a Halloween party with my best friend from out of town. At my school, the sororities did not hold their own parties, they attended the frat parties.

I’ll be honest with you, college parties were not my taste. The one I was at had spiked drinks. It was a bad night. There was a lot of smoking, sweaty people crowded into a little space, and zero dancing. There was a storage container full of random alcohol that looked too dark to be a wise decision (and also, hello it’s in a storage bin…not exactly a great option).

I didn’t have a great time, but I know people who love it. But I will say that the party and drinking culture in Greek life is pretty prominent. Sometimes you might feel pressured to act a certain way or do things you wouldn’t want to do. Sometimes that pressure is verbal, and other times it’s just the way we feel internally. At the end of the day, you have to stay true to you and what you want. You can miss out on the parties and still feel like you’re in the sorority. There are more events than just booze fests and formals. But it is important to note that there is a leaning towards partying.

When I Left…

Against my sister's and my mom’s wishes, I dropped the sorority after being in it for a few months. I had dropped out and said it was because of “mental health” reasons, which was a total lie. To be quite honest, the PNM events had never left my mind; I struggled to get past that incident. The bigger reason was because of the girl I had mentioned earlier, the one who really had it out for me (the one who would make sure I wouldn’t get things and would make sure I was left out). She was a huge part of it. After that happened, I really had a bad taste in my mouth.

I really didn’t stay in touch with anyone besides my unofficial big (who also dropped with me). Dropping my clothes off at the house (because you cannot keep merchandise with you once you drop it) (even though I totally kept a thing or two) was one of my favorite memories from that year. This was one of the best decisions I ever made. Did it have its cons? Yes. I felt lonelier and I really didn’t have many friends at this point in my life. But was it the right choice for me? Also yes.

I hope my sorority story was useful to you in deciding what you want to do in relation to Greek life. Don’t take my stories as gospel truth for your life. I would recommend you read and ask questions to those who are in sororities and ones who have dropped out of them. Here’s an article about the truth behind being in a sorority.

Final Reflections

I also believe that a part of the reason why the sorority life was not fit for me was because I had a chronic case of nice girl syndrome. I never confronted people for treating me poorly, and I look back now and wonder if my situation would have been different if I had stood up for myself.

Remember: there’s good and bad in anything you decide to do.