You’re Not Behind. You’re Just Looking Sideways

By:  Seoyoung Hong

Let me tell you something I wish someone had told me earlier. You’re not behind. Not in life, not in love, not in whatever timeline you think you’re failing to keep up with. The only reason it feels that way is because you keep looking sideways at other people’s lives, other people’s milestones, other people’s highlight reels and convincing yourself you’re late. 

I did that for years. Quietly, constantly. I never announced it, but in my head I was always counting. Who had what? Who was doing better? Who seemed more certain, more settled, more ahead. And every time I looked around, I felt like I’d missed a memo everyone else received. 

I know what you're thinking. “But doesn’t comparing yourself to others motivate you to aim higher?” That’s what people say. That ‘a little comparison is healthy’, that watching

other people succeed will push you forward- and I get why that idea sounds comforting. It makes the pressure feel productive. But girl, trust me when I say this, from personal experience! “Comparison does more harm than good”. It doesn’t motivate you the way you think it does. It creates urgency without clarity. You start chasing outcomes without stopping to ask whether they’re even meant for you. You move faster, but not necessarily in the right direction. And the more you compare, the harder it becomes to hear your own instincts over the noise. 

Comparison is subtle, and that’s why it’s dangerous 

Most of the time, we don’t even realise we’re comparing. We call it being realistic. Staying informed. Keeping ourselves “accountable.” But what we’re really doing is measuring our lives against versions of other people we don’t fully understand. Social media makes this worse in a quiet, sneaky way. You’re constantly shown outcomes without context. Highlights without the years of confusion that came before them. Confidence without a doubt. And when all you see are finished products, it’s easy to believe you’re the only one still figuring things out. 

So you rush. You second-guess decisions that felt right five minutes ago. You wonder if you should be doing more, wanting less, choosing differently. Not because something is wrong with your life, but because it doesn’t look like someone else’s. 

The real cost of looking sideways 

The problem with comparison isn’t jealousy. It's a distortion. It makes you distrust your own pace. It convinces you that if someone else has something you don’t, you must be lacking ambition, discipline, clarity, something. And slowly, without noticing, you start shrinking yourself to fit timelines that were never meant to be yours. You stop asking what 

you want and start asking what makes sense by now. You make choices because standing still feels like falling behind. And that’s when you lose touch with yourself, not because you failed, but because you stopped listening. 

Here’s the shift that changed everything for me 

One day, I realised something that grounded me more than any advice ever had. There are probably so many people who would want your life exactly as it is. Not because it’s perfect, but because it’s full of possibility. Because it’s safe. Because it hasn’t closed in on itself yet. That thought changed my definition of success. The goal stopped being to impress, to rush, or to prove anything. Instead, I started caring more about being useful and grateful. About showing up well. About helping where I can. About appreciating what

already exists instead of constantly waiting to feel worthy once I “arrive” somewhere else. When you focus on contribution instead of comparison, the pressure softens. 

What happens when you stop comparing 

When you stop measuring your life against other people’s milestones, your decisions get clearer. You stop chasing things out of fear and start choosing things out of alignment. You move differently. Sometimes slower but with intention. You feel less anxious, less reactive, less obsessed with proving that you’re doing okay. You realise that wanting something later doesn’t make it less valid, and not wanting something at all doesn’t make you behind. 

You start trusting yourself again. And that’s everything. 

A big sister reminder before you go 

There’s a quiet confidence that comes from staying in your lane. It doesn’t need an audience. It doesn’t announce itself online. It’s the kind of confidence that lets you sit with uncertainty without panicking, because you know you’re moving at a pace that actually belongs to you. 

So if you ever catch yourself feeling behind, take a breath. Look forward, not sideways. You’re not late to your life, you're just living it on your own timeline. 

And trust me, that’s not a disadvantage. 

That’s the whole point.