He Doesn’t Want YOU, He Just WANTS You: A Look at the Difference Between Lust and Love in 21st Century Dating.

Dating right now might be harder than its ever been before. The word ‘situationship’ has become a part of our everyday vocabulary and it seems to be becoming more and more difficult to work out whether somebody wants to fall in love with you or whether they subscribe to the idea of loving you.

Love and lust are both powerful emotions, but they differ significantly in their nature, depth, and impact on relationships. While they can sometimes overlap, recognizing the distinction between the two is essential for fostering healthy connections.

Lust: Physical Desire

Lust is primarily driven by physical attraction and sexual desire. It is often intense but short-lived, focused more on the excitement of physical interaction rather than emotional connection. Lust can spark quickly and tends to be more about instant gratification than long-term emotional bonding. It’s often tied to the physical appearance of someone and the desire for a sexual experience, without necessarily wanting to know or connect with the person on a deeper level.

Love: Emotional and Lasting

Love, on the other hand, goes beyond physical attraction. It is an emotional, mental, and often spiritual connection between two people. Love is patient, selfless, and based on a deeper understanding and respect for the other person. It involves caring for someone's well-being, supporting them through challenges, and growing together as individuals and partners. Love is enduring and doesn’t fade quickly.

Key Differences

Duration: Lust is temporary, often fading after the initial excitement wears off. Love is long-lasting, growing stronger as two people continue to connect.

Focus: Lust is focused on physical satisfaction and desire. Love is centered on emotional connection, mutual respect, and personal growth.

Impact: Lust can sometimes lead to superficial or short-term relationships. Love, however, tends to create lasting bonds and deeper partnerships.

While lust can certainly be a part of a loving relationship, it’s only one part of the equation. True love is far more complex and rewarding, rooted in emotional intimacy, trust, and commitment.

Lust: The Intense Physical Attraction

Lust is all about that magnetic pull you feel toward someone based on physical attraction. It’s that spark that ignites quickly, usually driven by desire for a sexual experience. Lust can be thrilling—it’s passionate and exciting, often leaving you craving more of the other person. However, it’s mostly surface-level. While lust may feel all-consuming, it tends to be short-lived. Once the initial excitement fades, you might find yourself wondering whether there’s anything deeper between you and the person you're attracted to.

For many of us, lust can come up in casual dating or fling situations, where the focus is more on the physical connection than emotional bonding. It’s not a bad thing, but it’s essential to be clear about what you're feeling and what you're looking for in a relationship.

Love: Emotional Depth and Connection

Love is much more than just chemistry. It’s an emotional bond that develops over time, built on trust, respect, and a deep understanding of each other. Love isn’t about quick passion; it’s about the connection you share. It’s the kind of relationship that makes you feel safe, valued, and heard—long after the butterflies have settled.

When you’re young, love might feel more elusive as you’re still discovering who you are and what you want in a partner. When you find it, love feels more like like a solid foundation, one that goes beyond physical attraction to include emotional intimacy, vulnerability, and mutual care.

Key Differences

Duration: Lust is fast and fleeting. It can fizzle out after the initial excitement wears off. Love, however, lasts over time, growing stronger as you build a deeper connection.

Focus: Lust is about physical desire. Love is about emotional bonding, support, and mutual respect.

Impact: Lust may lead to short-term, surface-level experiences. Love builds lasting, meaningful relationships that provide stability and growth.

Why It Matters in Your 20s

As you explore relationships in your 20s, it’s normal to experience both lust and love. However, understanding the difference can help you make better choices for your emotional well-being. If you’re looking for a long-term relationship, make sure you’re building it on a foundation of love, not just lust. And if you’re not ready for something serious, it’s okay to enjoy the thrill of lust, just be honest with yourself and your partner about your intentions.

Recognizing the difference between love and lust is key to navigating relationships in your 20s. Lust can be exciting, but love is what creates long-lasting, meaningful connections. By understanding what you truly want, you can make choices that honour your needs, desires, and emotional health.