Dealing with your jealous friend...

By: Sophia Wheway

I know what you’re thinking. The jealous friend is not your friend. And I get it. But I have to disagree. The sad truth is that some girls are just more jealous than others, and sometimes you have to accept different personality traits because everyone’s different. Everyone starting out their different careers can sometimes cause tension, and that’s okay… to an extent.

Maybe your high school best friend has started showing signs of jealousy. She’s been your best friend for years, but now there's a bit of tension around certain topics of conversation and you don’t really know what to do.

It’s okay to be a little bit jealous. Maybe someone got an internship before you and you wish that had been you. That’s normal. But learning how to manage your jealousy properly is the real challenge.

Imagine your friend isn’t exactly pleased for you. Maybe she’s saying the right things, being nice about it, but you can tell she’s not really happy for you. And maybe she’s just had the longest day. Maybe she’s applied to 100 jobs and hasn’t had a single reply. That might be the moment you think, okay, maybe she’s just got a lot going on and is struggling to show happiness for something she’s been trying so hard to get herself.

The lesson I kept ignoring

That mindset is something I’ve had in me for a while. I grew up with a “what if they’re going through something” and “they’re just jealous of you” kind of mum, and I think that shaped how I see all of this. She used to tell me off for oversharing positive wins, even with close friends. Obviously teenage me didn’t listen. And when my “besties” started belittling my successes, I started doubting myself.

Finally, after ignoring her advice for 21 years, I started listening. And honestly, me and my zipped mouth have been so much happier since.

Where I share my wins now

Because the truth is, it’s not nice to gloat. Being proud of yourself is amazing, but there’s definitely a line. And sometimes, sharing good news with the wrong person feels like walking on eggshells. So now, I tell my wins to people who I know care. People who are rooting for me whether it makes them feel insecure or not.

I started telling all my small business wins to my big brother. He has no idea what anything I’m saying actually means, but he knows it’s a win so he’s proud. He claps every time. That’s how I changed my approach. I picked someone who really really cares.

Be the friend that claps

A friend of mine once said, after a few too many glasses of wine, “I could shit on the floor and you would clap.” And honestly? That’s what we all want in a friend. Someone who claps even when they don’t fully get it. Someone who claps because you’re excited. Someone who claps because you would do the same for them.

But that’s not always the case, and that’s okay. Not everyone’s going to be that friend, but you still can be.

Be the friend that claps. Because the second you change your behaviour to match their weirdness, they’ve won. And if they’re not going to be happy for you, why would you even want them to know?

There is so much beauty in protecting your peace and winning quietly.

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